Thursday, 3 October 2013

So you think you can tell (loaned Wish You Were Here from Gilmour and Waters)

So, you think you can tell
                                                             A dark hole had opened in the center of myself
heaven from hell
                                                             Drugs only gave it expanse
blue skies from pain
                                                            Taking all the decency out of my life
can you tell a green field
                                                            I eventually gave in
from a cold steel rail
                                                            Spores of decay settled in
a smile from a veil
                                                            My hair grew long and I stayed out all nights
do you think you can tell
                                                            My friends were like me no aim no purpose
did they get you to trade
                                                            My parents who loved drifted onto dark paths
your heroes for ghosts
                                                            Lost in arguments and blame
hot ashes for trees
                                                            I fell to sleeping 12 hours a day
hot air for a cool breeze
                                                            waking to seek oblivion
cold comfort for change
                                                            lsd vodka blackouts and fear

did you exchange a walk on part in the war

                                                            once a good hockey player getting good grades
for a lead role in a cage
                                                            I broke down and fell off the plank
how I wish
                                                            but then one night a mescaline voice said   go home
                                                            i did   and sat with dad
                                                            told him this story he listened
how I wish you were here
                                                            a new thing began to grow a hope

we're just two large souls swimming in a fish bowl

                                                            it wasn't long after   I met her
year after year

                                                           and I wrote her a poem about lily pad flowers and love                                                      
running over the same old ground
                                                          my dad who had sat and listened through his own
have we found the same old fears

                                                          has been gone for ten long years
wish you were here


  1. I really like how you structured this. Each side stands on its own, but when the lines are intermingled, something new emerges. Nicely done!

  2. This really grabbed my attention, love the structure of the piece -and it flows really lyrically, totally enjoyed the read. :)

  3. Thank you both. It was an experiment and glad it worked for you.

  4. we're just two large souls swimming in a fish bowl year after deep can thses lines go....awesome

    1. the left side is actually the lyrics to a pink floyd song, 'wish you were here'. The song had a trans-formative effect during the years described on the right side. that is what I meant by Gilmour- Waters. David Gilmour and Roger Waters, the lyric genius's of Pink Floyd

  5. What an awesome concept. I once wrote (what I called a duet) with Kahlil Gibran. So evocative, Ron -- such grit and truth and a bit of a blurry horizon... and all is just as it should be. THANK YOU!

  6. I so much like the structured but more than that I like the poem

  7. It's wonderful how you did this. So clever and so powerful.