Love

Is love anything but attatchments and habits

and remedy for alone?

Am I so drawn out of myself that I can never

find my way back in?

God help me that pathetic.

I should infuriate at waste.

I am!

Jehovah called David his beloved while David took Bathsheba.

Solomon was the greatest king but had more concubines 

than chariots and horses.

I take pride in monogamy.

Shoulders like granite bearing.

I was.

I am confusion left on it's own to bury deep

in a hill of stale dry crumbs,

trails of ants leading down into busy mines.

I lunged ahead for the best.

I fell, alone for the empty.

I sing.

Many come and go but I am one who is fearless.

Not for courage but for weariness and discovery.

You cannot hold me anyway.

You spoke too often to hear.

I end. 

Love Fear

I was afraid to love

for so many years,

as I was afraid to hate.

But one comes 

with it's mate;

another poison

for they both will kill you.

The Buddhas and the Christs,

the Gurus and the Sufi s,

they do not love,

not like that.

They detach and

float off

and then holler back

for you to come along. 

Love Kills

It was between my breast bones where

The crest was hard and 

Inpenetrable like the shield

Of granite that held our footings 

But your love turned that

Into a smear of jelly

And when I saw the spear

In your aim

I knew I was free 

Marsden Theatre Saturday Night

A jet sparks the sky 

with movement and noise that

strives to catch up.

My wife, drunk, is humming

In her snoring.

And a grandson is in bed,

with mommy far away

In mind and intention.

The sky is still light grey

as the day slowly retreats.

Listening to Marsden

as I do so often

sitting on this deck.

As Mosquitos come to greet me,

to eat me,

this silent supplicant:

this seeker of what

can never be answered;

for the answer

is being

here.

Things I Notice

One small bird stretches a vocal chord,

mixing with the smooth carriage 

of wind and leaf.

Purple crab apple blossoms slouch

over a grey panel fence.

Streets reach between tall narrow houses,

siding, grey brick, red brick,

bright signs advertising error-

not this way.

Concrete telephone poles holding

street lamps over us.

Did you see the leaves poke through the fence,

the stop sign concealed by a shrub?

The bearded man walking a hairy dog?

The years have thickened my skins,

though I look weather-beaten and mangey,

my eye is keen as a hawks

and my hearing discerns like a razor.

My gait is swift and silent.

Few notice me anymore.

When Death Comes

When death comes,

The room you were always going to finish 

Stays the way it is.

The grandchildren miss out on you

Forever.

The garden has grown wild and untamed,

And you will never get to it

Again.

They will all miss you

But you won't know or care.

There'll be nothing to resist,

No problems to fix,

No one to be disappointed in,

No one at all, 

Anymore.

Worth It!

Love has me stretched on the rack

of your mercy.

It is like a shot of tequila,

has me wincing at the taste.

I am an addict for the cringing feelings;

forcing my shoulders together,

and it is so good,

even if you reject me

and cut me off from him,

that smile and the energy

of his small body,

dancing and skipping,

throwing his joy around with every movement.

Just the memory and the knowledge of risk

lifts me off this chair

and I will not succumb to despair.